I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
