Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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