the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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