I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
