i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
