you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
