who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
