Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize