Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
