I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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