So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
