May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
