I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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