The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
