you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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