I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
