I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
