pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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