Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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