I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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