i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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