So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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