It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
