Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
