I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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