My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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