Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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