Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
