he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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