u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
