were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
