Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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