So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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