who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
