Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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