So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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