hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
