Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
