She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
