I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
