I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
