whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
