Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
