I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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