Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
