Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
