New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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