I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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