Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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