I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
be right there i have to get my cape
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
