You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
