Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
