In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Couch. On fire.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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