Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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