There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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