Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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