so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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