physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
