C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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