I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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