eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
