My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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