ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize