I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
