You really coming over, don't trick.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
