I feel great
I just peed on a car
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
